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Pulis1: pre, alam mo naba ang usap-usapan?
Pulis2: bakit pre anong balita?
Pulis1: may bading daw sa campo ntin?
Pulis2: sino daw pre?
Pulis1: kiss muna!
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Some say the ugliest animel is hippopotamus! but you know what? more people say, COW daw! What do you think? COW ba talaga?
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Son: Father can you close your eyes and write your name?
Father: Of course I can that’s easy!
Son: Then, please close your eyes and sign my report card?
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Teacher: what’s your name?
Pupil: early seven strikeland po!
Teacher: niloloko mo ba ko?
Pupil: hindi po, yan ang name ko sa inglis! Sa pilipino po, Agapito Hampaslupa.
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a girl's prayer
dear God, thank you for all the blessings you have bestowed upon me.
this time, I won;t ask anything for myself. please just give my parents a hot son-in-law! Amen!
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a husband came home 4am and saw his wife in bed with another man.
his wife shouted at him: "where have you been?"
Husband: "Who's that man?"
Wife: "Ay grabe ka! don't change the topic!"
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Isang gabi, may lalakeng nasiraan ng auto sa isang liblib na bayan. Wala namang sira, marami pang gas. Weird. May ermitanyo sa may puno ng balete n lumapit. Ibinebenta daw ang isang libro, P1000 daw. Namamahalan siya pero npilitan syang bilhin. Sbi ng mtanda, wag titignan ang huling pahina kundi magsisisi siya. Tapos, nwala ang mtanda. Umandar ang kotse. Sa bahay, di siya makatulog. Kinuha ang libro, tinignan ang huling pahina. Ang nakasulat, NATIONAL BOOK STORE – P47.75
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ang magkaibigan, saan man makarating. Ay umuuwi rin.
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ang tunay na kakyutan, wala sa mukha, sa ayos o sa panlabas na anyo mo. Dhil ito ay nasa akin lamang! I repeat, akin lamang!
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d matatangay ng hangin ang bawat problema sa buhay. Di maaagos ng luha ang lungkot. Di mawawala sa isip at puso ang nararamdaman. Pero gnun pa man, ano nga ba sa tagalog ang cake?
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pasaway na wrong lyrics:
“I decided long ago, never to walk with edu manzano.”
“so kiss me and smaffle me.”
“it started when we were younger you were nine.”
“some people want tambourines but I don’t”
“my only nest is killing me.”
“don’t go jason waterfalls.”
“constantine, you’re on my mind.”
“soul of Christ sat beside me.”
And finally, “nothing’s gonna change my love for you, you know naman my love how much I love you.”
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Wife: maghiwalay na tayo!
Man: ok! Akin ang bahay!
Wife: akin ang farm!
Man: akin ang kotse!
Wife: wag mo isama driver, matagal ng akin yan.
Man: pwes! Magkakamatayan tayo! Akin siya!
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tanong: bakit di pwedeng mag-swimming ng sabay-sabay ang mga kalbo sa jacuzzi? Kase, magmumukha silang.. Fishballs! Tusok na!
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man phones home looking for wife.
Maid: sir nasa taas kasama bf.
Sir: kunin mo baril at patayin mo sila. [after 2mins.] sir patay na po.
Sir: tapon mo cla sa pool.
Maid: sir wala tayo pool.
Sir: huh? Ay sorry wrong number..
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if y ou love someone, set him free. If he doesn’t come back, he’s probably.. with me!
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hrap umibig, hrap din umiyak.
Hirap mgmhal, hrap din msktan.
Hirap umasa, hirap din mbigo.
Pro pnaka mhirap sa lhat, mligo tpos ang tabo mo bote ng yakult!
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I refuse to adhere to society’s perception of academic aptitude and mental ability. Translation: ayoko nang mag-aral! Whooh!
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Juan: pare cnong idol mo?
Pedro: c arnold schwarzenegger.
Juan: cge nga, spell schwarzenegger?
Pedro: hnde, joke lng. Pare si Jet Li tlga idol ko!
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Jun: I know the truth mom!
Mom: ha? Eto 500, wag ka maingay sa dad mo ha?
Jun: dad I know the truth!
Dad: ha? Eto 1000, wag ka maingay sa mom mo ha?
Jun: [hmm epektib to ah! Aha sa driver, masubukan!]
Jun: manong! Alam ko na ang katotohanan!
Driver: sa wakas! Yakapin mo ko anak!
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saan kna? Mgreply ka nmn? D2 kmi wait you sa may GMA studio. May taping tayo ngayon sa commercial ng.. SAFEGUARD! Bilis kaw kase ang GERMS?!
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Tags:
pinoy jokes, funny sms, funny text messages
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