Pinoy Jokes and Funny SMS Text Messages 39

don't make the same mistake twice..



madami pang kasalanan jan, try mo ung iba.

---------


Ur temporary absence frm my immdiate vicnity seems 2 affct a slght dpression of sorts w/in this realms day 2 day existence..



in short...





'i mis u': the nsebleed edtion..

-------------------

B1:pre,nhoLdp aq muntk p q mmtay!
B2:bkt,d kb humngi ng 2Long?
B1:ngtxt aq s puLis stati0n!
B2:bkt,anng rpLy? B1:haynku, e2 rpLy! "hu u?"Wr did u get my no.?!

-------------------

After inspection:


"miss,wg k munang umalis..


check q ulit gmit m..


nsma ata ang puso q e.."


-WHATEVER, manong guard.

--------------------

Scenes kpag mgkaaway ang isang couple:

-mgttxt ng kunwre wrng snd
(pra icheck kng mgrrply c bf/gf)

-mgttxt ng kunware gm
(ppancn?)

-mgssend ng sandamakmak na swit/sad quotes
(pnadma daw)

-ssbhn sa tropa, "bhala sya, mgtxt sya kng gus2 nya, d ko ppancnin"
(pro panay ang abang sa cp kng my txt)

-bukang bbig nya, "di wag sya mgtxt! So?"
(pro ittxt c bf/gf ng, "ano, wla ka ng pakealam?)

-bu2rahin ang # ni bf/gf
(pro saulo nman ang #)

^^ARAY!XD

---------------------


D truth bhnd d
s0ng ETERNAL
FLAME & hu rily
sang it..

BULAG:cl0se ur
eyes,
PILAY:gve me ur
hand drlng,
BINGI:do u hir my
heart beating?
BOBO: d0 u
undErStnd?
MANHID: d0 u fiL
d same?
DUKHA: am i only
dreaming?
BUMBERO: is dis
burning? an
eternal flame!
PIPI: say my
name,
BALIW: sunshine
through the rain,
KAWAWA: my
whole life, so
lonely..
DOKTOR:dey'L
cum nd ease d
pain.
MADAMOT:i dnt
wna lose ds
feelng..
WOLF:Oooohh(^^.')

-----------------

1 pr0bnxn0 ngrent
ng rum s htel:

pr0b:Lm q pr0bnxn0 Lng aq kya wg mu q Loqhin!bt gn2 rum q?maliit wLng kma
at bntna!mhL mhL ng bnayad q,tpos gn2 lng?

roomboy:sir nsa elvtor plng tau,wg k xcited.

------------------

1 cigAret
rEdUcEs Lyf
by 5 mins.

bt SEX
incrEasEs Lyf
by 10 mins.

So d bAsic sEnsE
Of dz st8mnt is,


Kht mLkas mnigariLyo
bsta mLib0g
mtgL m2tAy!

-----------------

Can u pronounce
gud
englsh?
read
d
ff
aloud:

wolf
woof
warp

roof
ruff
raft

work
wart
worth
wharf

test result:


gud dog!

stop barking n!

---------------


evolution ng bagong mcdo comerciaL:
'miss ang sexy mo ah,


pa gerger ka naman..! gerger gerger gerger!
0_o
haha...

---------------

Pinoy Jokes SMS Text Messages from 0917490****,0915569****

Pinoy Jokes and Funny SMS Text Messages 38

Pedro: Niloko ko yung tindera kanina.. hahahaha
Juan: paano mo nmn niloko yung tindera??
Pedro: nagpaload ako eh wala naman akong cellphone!!!

------------

Teacher: Why are you late??
Jr: mam, ther was a man who lost his P500 bill
Teacher: good!!! you helped him look for it right??
Jr:No Mam!!! tinapakan ko po kasi hanggang sa umalis siya!!!

------------

Man told lady after he raped her...
'in nine months you will have a child, call him Hercules!!!'

The lady replied,
'in nine days youll have rashes on your penis, call it herpes!!!'

------------

Mga tanong na kailangan ng malalim na pag-iisip

1. Ang lamok ba pag natutulog nilalamok din??
2. Puwede bang uminum ng coke kapag coffee break???
3. ang uod ba pag namatay inuuod din???
4. bakit ang blackboard kulay green??
5. ang lason ba pag naexpired nakakalason pa din??
6. nanganganak ba ang mga bakla?? kung hindi.. bakit sila dumadami??
7. pwede bang magdinner ang may dalang lunchbox???
8. pag sinabi bang 6 feet anim ang paa mo??

------------

Kapag bored ka na at walang magawa
magbukas ka ng ziper
ilagay mo ang kamay sa loob at ilabas mo

ang libro galing sa bag mo at magbasa ka!!!

kala mo ha!!!

------------

Kapag nakita mo ako na marumi...
warat warat ang damit....
walang tsinelas at nasa gitna ng kalye...

please wag kang lalapit....

May shooting ako.. bawal ang fans!!!

------------

Wag kang mahihiya kung lumuluha ang mga mata mo!!!

at lalo namang wag mong pipigilan ang luha mo

dahil baka lumabas yan sa ilong!!!

Yucky yun di ba??

------------

Dad:(Holding 2 toys letting his son choose) si barbie or superman??
Son: superman dad!!!
Dad: good!!(he then left)
Son:Guwapo mo superman!!! nakaumbok pa!! uuuuhhhhmmm!!!

------------

a guy was setting up his new email account while his girlfriend sat beside him
feeling all macho, he put in "penis" as his password.
his girlfriend fell off her chair laughing when the error message registered as:
"Password not long enough"

------------

Makabagong kasabihan:

"aanhim mo ang taong maganda"

"kung siya'y pumapangit pag katabi ko na!!!"

------------

Bunso: Inay, tingnan nyo po drawing ko oh
Inay: wow!! ang galing namang magdrawing ng monkey ng bunso ko
Bunso: Inay, kayo po yan!!!

------------

ma, si ate niyakap ng nobyo niya!!!
ok lang naman yan!!

ki-niss ma!!!
ok lang naman yan!!

dinukot dede niya!!!
ok lang rin yan!!!

naku fininger!!!
punyeta!!! may titi ba't hindi gamitin!!!

-------------
Pinoy SMS Text Jokes from 0915801****, 0927660****, 0927325****, 0917856****,0915298****,0915673****

Pinoy Jokes and Funny SMS Text Messages 37

The Rubber Poem:
Kissing is a habit,
Fucking is a game.
Guys get the pleasure
girls get the pain
The guy says i love you
and you believe its true
but when tummy starts to swell
he just says: who the hell are you??
1 hour of pleasure, 9 months in pain
2 days in the hospital and a baby without a name
the baby is a bastard and the mother is a whore
This would't happen if the rupper was put on!!!
Bow!!! Play safe... Spread this message
Not the sperm!!!

------------------
10 craziest things na ginagawa pag nalalasing
1. cries without reason
2. nagbibigay ng advice sa kapwa lasing
3. sings ng pasintunado
4. cols with text ang ex para makapagusap ng walang sense
5. naiinlove na lang ng bigla
6. ginagawang unan ang toilet bowl
7. nagiging galante
8. ikukuwento ang buhay ng buong angkan
9. nagiging english speaking kahit wrong grammar
10. panay ang sabi ng "hindi na ako iinum!!!" habang nagsusuka
pero siyempre salitang lasing lang yun coz after the hangover
sarap magcheers for the good times...

-------------------

Kumatok ang isang ahente sa bahay. pagbukas ni misis ng pinto, agad pumasok ang ahente
at ikinalat sa sahig ang ebak ng kabayo. sabi ng ahente: Mam, pag hindi nalinis ng
Vacuum cleaner ko ang kalat... kakainin ko ang mga yan!!!
Misis: ay putang ina ka!!! umpisahan mo na pagkain niyan at BROWNOUT kami ngayon

-------------------

Feet: ako na yata ang pinakapagod lakad ng lakad kung saan ako dalhin ng amo ko
Butt: sa akin ang pinakamahirap araw araw toilet bowl ang kaharap ko.
Brain: pinakamahirap na ata ang sa kin kahit tulog boss ko tratrabaho pa din ako
Penis: puro easy pala ang trabaho nyo.. ako gabi-gabi pinakakagat at sinisipsip
tapos pinagagalit at pinapapasok sa pinakamadilim na kweba..
tapos iuuntog ng iuuntog hanggang sa mahilo ako at magsuka ng magsuka!!!

--------------------

Atty: asan ka ng mangyari ang rape???
Witness: sa maisan
Atty: anong ginagawa mo dun??
Witness: tumatae Po
Atty: ilang hakbang ka mula sa krimen??
Witness: Aba ewan!!! may tumatae bang pahakbang hakbang??

--------------------

masakit ba ulo mo???






wala yan sa sakit ng ulo ng magulang mo sa u!!!!

--------------------

Patient: doc, worried ako kasi sobrang libog ako...
Doc: gusto mo gamot pampaalis ng libog??
Patient: hindi gusto ko ng gamot pampaalis ng worry!!!

--------------------

When i was a kid, my teacher asked what do i wanted to be when i grow up??
I told her i wanted to be happy
She scolded me and told me that i do not understand the question
I told her
"Bein happy is beyond every noble profession that the world ever has"
Ayun dumugo ilong niya!!! grade school pa lang ako nun ah!!

-------------------

macho: sabi ng barbero ko pag naglagay ka raw ng langis sa dibdib hahaba buhok mo dun...
Bading: gaga!!! kung totoo yun eh d sana may ponytail na ako sa puwet!!!

-------------------

May tinanong ako:

SAbi ko
"tama bang isuko ko ang taong mahal ko,
dahil nalaman ko na hindi na niya ako mahal"

Sabi niya
" thats the best thing to do to save your pride
but thats the most stupid thing if you want to save your life"

SAbi ko namn
Yes english!!! pacheese burger ka naman!!!
Burger!!! Burger!!!

------------------

Pinoy Txt Message from 0927845****,0915819****, 0915673****