Merry Christmas and a Happy New year to all Pinoy Jokes and Funny SMS Text Messages readers!!!!!
Maligayang Pasko and Manigong Bagong Taon sa inyong Lahat...
Let's celebrate 2009 smiling :)
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A 90 yrs old man starts making love to his 85yrs old wife. He started sucking her breast, after 10 seconds, he died...
Autopsy report:
Cause of death,
EXPIRED MILK WITH MELAMINE SUBSTANCE...
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BATA: Pangit! (5x)
LALAKE: Sabihan mo pa ko ulit na pangit, papatayin kta!
...Next day...
BATA: psst!
LALAKE: ano?
BATA: alam na! :D
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My happyness is...
wr0ng spellinG..
Wahaha!
Ooops, ba2likan nya yan!
HaHaha
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BOY: may aaminin aq sau
GIRL: Ano?
B: mhal kta!
B: y d kna rply?
B: pa2kamatAy aq!
B: hwak q n kutslyo!
..isa2ksak q na! (patay n c BOY)
GIRL: nakatulog aq, sori po. Mhal din kta!
GIRL: ui, ui! Stil der?
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COMMON FILIPINO MISTAKES:
1."ale, pbling colgate, ung closeup."
-adik k s 2tpaste?
2."srado m pinto! La2bas ang aircon."
-sosyal, may paa?
3."yaya,salubungn mo ung skulbus ni junior."- tama yan psagasa mo!
4."anak, 2mbi ka s ssakyan ha"
-patayn dn c junior?
5."tnuka ako ng ahas"- man0k b ito? May tuka?
6."my tonsil aq"
-kmi rn.c=
7."my candy aq, yw m?"
-ofer b yn?
8."2log kn?"
-mlman m p kya kng oo?
9."lowbat aq e"
-d bterya krn?
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I
met
a
craZy man,
&
i
askd
hIM,
wt
s
gr8r?
Hart
or
braiN?
He
answrd
me
lafFing
"i
l0st
my
brain
c0z
of
l0ve,
bt
i
l0st
my
l0ve
bc0z
i
f0l0wd
my brain.
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things ù dont need 2 know but i'm sharin':
-aLL shrimps are born femaLe, but turns 2 maLe as time goes.. so r dey Like Lesbians?
-starfishes are pretty but dey dont have brains.. so be offended if sum1 caLLs ù 1..
-penguins can onLy have 1 mate, dey spend aLmost haLf of deyr Lyf Lookin' 4 deyr destined partner, den spend d rest of it wid him/her.. how sweet is dat?
i dont know if ù find those amusin'?
but i do,
& i hope u'l find ùr penguin..ü
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Tatay: anak bakla ka ba?
Anak:opo..
sabay lubog ng mukha ng anak s harina.
Tatay:ANO? ngay0n la2ki ka na ba?
anak:geisha n po..
nagalit ang tatay sabay nilubogmukha ng anak s baldeng puno ng tubig..
Tatay:ngaun anu ka na?! SAGOT!
anak:dyesebel n po..
nagalit lalo ang tatay..kya pinaso nya ito ng plantsa hnggang ito'y mangitim..
Tatay:PUNYETA ka! ano k n ngayon!!
anak:aq n po c beyonce!!:-D,.
..ayou..haha..ü
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WHAT EVERY KISS MEANS:
smack: "im reAdy"
4head: "h0pe we're 2geder 4ever"
hand: "i ad0re u"
lips: "i L0ve u"
WHAT GESTURES MEANS:
sLap on d butt: "dat's mine"
pLaying w/ hair: "teLL me u L0ve me"
h0Lding hands: "we definitELy L0ve each ader"
arms ar0und d waist: "i L0ve u 2much 2Let g0"
laughing whiLe kissing: "im c0mpLeteLy c0m4tabLe w/ u"
-if ur thinking ab0ut sum1 wyL reading dis, UR DEFINITELY IN L0VE.. ^^,
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Kinuha ng isang Kanong Pari si Pacquiao as interpreter..
Pari: The Lord was crucified between 2 robbers.
Pac: Si Hesus ay ipinako s gitna ng 2 goma.Pari: We need to sacrifice.
Pac: Kailangan natin ng 2 sakong bigas.
Pari: If we do not repent,
Pac: Kapag hindi natin pininturahang muli,
Pari: Thewrath of God will come upon you.
Pac: Ang mga daga ng Diyos ay pupunta sayo.(nagtawanan)
Pari: Well.. Well..
Pac: Balon.. Balon..
;'p Haha!
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PEDRO:
Miss,pabili nga ng bolpen.
MISS:
Sorry po sir, wala po kaming bolpen.
(Inis na lumabas si Pedro sa tindahan)
PEDRO:
My God! Penshoppe walang bolpen!
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a nUrse came 2 vsit hs 3 mental patients
P1:(ngbbsa ng encyclopedia)
N:wow! improvng ka! dts gud.
P2:(ngbbsa ng dictionry)
N:cool! ipgp2loy mo lng yn.
P3:(nktyo s mesa w/arms wide open) "aq ang ilaw!"
N:hoy! bumba k nga jn. bka mhulog k. wla k p dn pgbbgo.(naupo c P3 s upuan)
P1 & P2: ay, brownout?
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1 day i read
smoking is bad
i stop smoking
1 day i read
drinking is bad
i stop drinking
1 day i read
sex is bad
ay naku!..
I stop reading..
Reading is bad!!
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