Pinoy Jokes and Funny SMS Text Messages 10

Congratulations to Batch 2007 !!! Happy Graduation !!!! Happy Commencement Day !!! Maligayang Pagtatapos !!! Welcome to the world of happily unemployed/employed !!! Good luck to you all !!!

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Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now..... sorry I will leave, I can't find a brain.

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"hindi ibig sabihing marami ng labi ang dumampi sa akin ay marumi no...
hindi ibig sabihing marami ng laway ang natikman ko ay wala na akong dangal..."
---kutsara

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Ito ang message na sigurado ifo-forward mo:

"GAGALISIN ANG PUWET NG HULING MAKAKATANGGAP NITO"

yahooo!! Safe na ako... sori na lang sa mga walang load!!!!

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HEADLINE
Dalawang matandang babae... nagjojogging sa plaza.. na-rape!!!

Kinabukasan...Plaza nagkagulo... nagkatraffic..

Dahil libo libong matanda ang ngayon ay nagjojogging!!!

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Wishing you a seductive and horny morning, licked by love and penetrated with heavenly graces. May all your problems be ejaculated before the climax of the day. Have a sexy day!

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Kadalasan, nakakatakot ang magmahal,
dahil nakakatakot masaktan, mahirap umasa,
nakakatakot ding mapaglaruan.
Pero di ba, mas nakakatakot kapag nalaman mo na kapatid mo pala si mahal?
at tatay mo si dagul?

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Nahuli ni lalaki ang asawa na ka- sex ang kapitbahay!!! Binaril yung kapitbahay, patay!
Wife: Grabe ka naman!!!! Kapag di mo binago ugali mo, mauubos ang mga kapitbahay natin!

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Be friendly with your kids, they choose your home when you are old!

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The only people whom I greet "Good morning"
are those who are smart, cute and malakas ang sex appeal.
So, pano ba yan? E di good afternoon na lang sayo!

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Man to wife on her birthday:
"You can have sex for an hour the way you want it."
Wife jumped up, kissed him and ran out of the house...
"Thank you! Thank you! I'll be back in an hour!"

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I keep on telling my friends about you, how you talk, how you laugh, how you've touched my life. Then, they asked,
"Saan ba makakahanap ng tulad nya?"
I answered, "Mandaluyong, loob, ward 5, kaliwa."

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Kung bola ka, at ako ang player, mashoshoot ba kita?
Hindi, kasi ngayon nga lang namimiss na kita eh!

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Sa buhay, hindi lahat nabibili o ibinibigay.
May gusto tayo na hindi nakukuha, may pangarap na hindi naaabot,
may hiling na hindi natutupad.
Pero kuntento na ako.
Bakit kamo?
Kasi, P6.25 na lang ang Tide, pinalaki pa!!!!

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If you believe in signs ..
in serendipity ..
in destiny ..
in soulmates ..
in love at first sight ..
in eternal love..
Malamang single ka for life!!!!

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Sabi nila, minsan, sa buhay natin, kailangan kang mamili kung yung taong mahal mo o mahal ka! Hello?! Hindi na uso yun ngayon, ang tanong, "Yummy ba sya?"

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Time can heal all wounds.
Time can give you another chance.
Time can help you forget.
Time can let you move on.
Dati ang alam ko lang eh, “time is gold!” improving!!!

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Hindi ko alam kung bakit nagseselos ako kapag may ibang nagpapangiti at nagpapasaya sa 'yo.
Hindi naman siguro sa makasarili ako kundi natatakot lang ako na sa sobrang kasiyahan mo, lumobo ang sipon mo!!!!

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ERAP: anak, ilan ba ang diyos??
JINGGOY: dad, isa lang ang diyos. Bakit mo naitanong??
ERAP: eh bakit may extra joss??

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Pratatatat!!! Kaboom!!! Kablaaam!!! Weewee!!! Wangwang!!! Pratatatat!!!
Sugod mga cute!!! Itext ang mga pangit!!! Yes sir!!!
Ito, tinext ko na yung isa, lider ata nila.

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Tags:
funny pinoy jokes, funny pinoy sms text messages, pinoy funny sms text jokes, tagalog funny text txt jokes

Pinoy Jokes and Funny SMS Text Messages 9

Wishin you the warmth, happiness and goodwill of the season...
And all the best that new year can bring...
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
Walang pakialamanan...
Malamig eh!!!

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If good looks could kill, don’t look at me.
I don’t want to see you die.

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Erap to Loi: Wow ang bango mo ngayon ah! Anong gamit mong pabango?
Loi: Secret!!!
Erap: Secret? Di ba pinapahid yun sa kili-kili?

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Days are made special with a smile.
So smile at everyone, smile at everything...
Smile anywhere , smile anytime....
A friendly reminder from PHILIPPINE MENTAL HOSPITAL
.
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In a petshop, customer talks to a parrot.
CUSTOMER: hoy!!! Can you talk ha??? Bobo!!!
PARROT: yes I can!!!! Ikaw? Can you fly ha? Can you fly? Gago!

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Bakit ba may mga taong manhid???
Sobrang sweet mo na nga akala mabait ka lang....
Text mo ng sweet messages iisipin forwarded quote lang....
Sabihin mong mahal mo sya akala nya joke lang…

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Reporter: Mr. President. How many women do you believe must a man marry?
Erap : 16 !!
Reporter: Why ?
Erap : Because the priest says: 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4 worse.

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Dati tuwang-tuwa ako kapag inaasar kita....
Tuwang-tuwa ako pag naiinis ka....
Tapos sabi mo…
Lalayo ka, ayaw mo nakong makita…
Sabi ko… “Huwag! Mahal na kita!”
Sabi mo… “Nangaasar ka ba?”

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Maglalaro si Erap sa milyon milyon na? Game ka na ba?
Kris: ilang litro meron ang coke litro?
Erap: ang dali dali nyan! liter C, liter O, liter K, and liter E. may mas mahirap ba dyan?

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List of cartoon characters that are bad influences to us.
1. dora the explorer.- lakwatcherang negra
2. Blue’s clues - mahilig magkalat.
3. Winnie the pooh - mahilig sa matamis-diabetis
4. Spongebob Squarepants - katangahan at kabaklaan
5. kids next door - pagiging gago sa batang edad
6. Winx - kalandian at pagkailusyonada
Kaya piliing mabuti ang ipapanuod sa batang inyong kasama!!

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Exec Sec Zamora: Sir, puwede bang palitan 'tong laptop ko?
Erap: Bakit?
Zamora: Masyadong mabigat, eh!
Erap: Ba't di ka mag-delete ng files para gumaan?

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Hindi ba mahirap kapag may sakit ka?
Hindi ka makakain, hirap lumunok...
Tapos sasabihin pa ng nanay..
"sige na anak...kumain ka na..
kahit tatlong kutsara lang..."
Pagkain nga hirap ng lunukin...
kutsara pa kaya???

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Jinggoy: dad bakit ganun?
Erap: bakit?
Jinggoy: tinext ko yung asawa ko na padating na ko
Erap: o ano ngayon?
Jinggoy: pag uwi ko may kasama syang lalaki sa kama
Erap: baka hindi natanggap yung txt mo.

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“I admit marami na akong pinadapa!!!!
Pinagapang!!!! Nahulog sa kanal!!!!
Pinag-away!!!! Nasaktan!!!!
Pero anong magagawa ko???
Eh sa kayo ang naglalaway sa kin??? I’m sorry.”
-Red horse.

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Why did Erap shoot his wife when he bought a house?
Because the contract reads: "Execute all 3 copies together with your wife..."

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Sakit ba ulo mo dahil sa problema?
May gamot na!
TOGMORON 500!
Iun-TOGMORON sa pader ulo mo 500mg.
Tandaan TOG MO RON!
Kung di epektib, TOGMOPA 50!

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Naramdaman mo na ba yung akala mo limot mo na sya?
Wala na. Tapos na lahat.
Tapos isang araw nagkita kayo,
ngumiti sya sayo. Nasabi mo na lang:
“ TANG’NA!!! MAHAL KO PA SYA!”

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Mahal mo sya..
May mahal siyang iba..
One day nakita mo sya kasama ung mahal nya..
Just close your eyes and pray..
"Sana mamatay na ung hayop na un d nmn cla bagay..."

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”Papano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sayo?”
-LEGO.

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Kapag may umaway sa iyo...
Huwag ka iiyak.
Dahil di na tayo bata....
Dito ako para pagtanggol ka...
Kakalabanin ko sila....
Titirahin ko sila ng laser sword. “shing-shing!” tapos un “bogoom” patay sila!!!

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Tags:
funny pinoy jokes, funny pinoy sms text messages, pinoy funny sms text jokes, tagalog funny text txt jokes