Pinoy Jokes and Funny SMS Text Messages 49

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, mam, it's the same dog.

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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher mam!!

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"DALAWANG LASING...NAGLALAKAD."
LASING-1: Shege pare, Ayan na yung bahay namin eh, dito na lang ako, salamat sa paghatid mo sakin ha!

LASING-2: Mali ka pare, hindi yan ang bahay mo... diyan ako nakatira eh... kaya sa amin yang bahay na yan! Okey?

BABAE :(Nagbukas ng pinto}.. Hoy, mga Unggoy! Anong pinagtatalunan nyo diyan? Lasing na naman kayong Mag-ama noh?

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DIRTY OLD MAN: Alam mo pare, lima ang tsiks ko ngayon!

PARE : Magaganda ba sila pare?

D.O.M.: Maganda sila pare.... at magkakamukha pa silang lahat!

PARE : Ha, bakit nagkaganon pare?

D.O.M. : Lahat sila Mukhang Pera !!

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ARMY : Manong, san ba dito nagpupugad ang mga NPA..?

MANGYAN: Sir, matagal nako dito sa bundok, pero wala pa akong nakikitang pugad ng NPA.... Ano ba kulay ng ITLOG nila sir..?

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ERAP: (Nag-e-exercise) 1234 Amen...!
5678 Amen...!
8765 Amen...!
4321 Amen...!

JINGOY: Dad, bakit may pa-amen amen ka pa..?

ERAP: Kasi sabi ng Doktor ko... "EXERCISE RELIGIOUSLY"..!

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An Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy for a U.S.A. Visa.


Consul : What is your name?
Arab: Abdul Aziz

Consul: Sex?
Arab : Six to ten times a week

Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arab : both male and female and sometimes even camels

Consul: Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!

Consul: Man,...isn ' t it hostile?
Arab :Horse style, dog style, any style

Consul: Oh...dear!
Arab : Ah Deer? Me no fuck, they run too fast!


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Chemistry teacher asked a sexy student, "What are NITRATES?
The student replied shyly, "Ma'am, sa motel po.
NITRATES are higher than day-rates!"

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"Usapan ng dalawang mayabang..."

Tomas: Ang galing ng aso ko! Tuwing umaga, dala
niya ang dyaryo sa akin.
Diego: Alam ko.
Tomas: Ha? Paano mo nalaman?
Diego: Ikinukuwento sa akin ng aso ko.

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WHO'S GUILTY?
Wife dreaming in the middle of the night
suddenly shouts, "Quick, my husband is back!"
Man gets up, jumps out the window and realizes, "Damn! I am the
husband!"

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Pinoy Jokes and Funny SMS Text Messages 48

MISIS: Inday! nakita mo ba senyorito mo? kanina ko
hinahanap eh!

INDAY: Hindi ko po alam sinyura!

MISIS: Nambabae na naman siguro yun! Di mo ba
talaga nakita?

INDAY: Hindi po sinyura, kasi pag gising ko po kanina ....
wala na siya sa tabi ko eh!

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TITSER: Pedro, what is Ethics?

PEDRO: Ethics mam is the relative of Duck !!

TITSER: Its ok Pedro!....and that duck will lay an egg....
and that egg will be your Grade..... Sit down!

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Paano mo sasabihin sa kausap mo na MAITIM
ang kili-kili niya.... ng di siya magagalit?

GANITO: Bestfriend, ano ba ang ginagamit mong
deodorant........KIWI?

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TITSER: Pedro, ano ang tawag dito? (pointing to the "sex
organ" ng lalaki na naka-drowing sa blackboard).

PEDRO: Mam, meron po dadi ko niyan! Pag MALIIT po,
ginagamit niya sa pag-ihi.....Pag MALAKI naman
po, ginagamit na TOOTHBRUSH ni yaya !

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TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .

MARIA: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct! Now class, who discovered America ?

CLASS: Maria Maam !!

-----------------x x

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Mam, Yesterday you said it's H to O.


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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, because I'm a lot closer to the ground
than you are, mam!!

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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."

MILLIE: I is...

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."

MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his
father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you
know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIE: Because George still had the AXE in his hand, mam !!

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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers
before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to..... 'cuz my Mom is a good cook.

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Wanna share?? Email your Pinoy Funny jokes to pinoyjokeatgmaildotcom or send your Pinoy Jokes SMS to +639278704655