Pinoy Jokes and Funny SMS Text Messages 51

Merry Christmas and a Happy New year to all Pinoy Jokes and Funny SMS Text Messages readers!!!!!
Maligayang Pasko and Manigong Bagong Taon sa inyong Lahat...
Let's celebrate 2009 smiling :)

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A 90 yrs old man starts making love to his 85yrs old wife. He started sucking her breast, after 10 seconds, he died...


Autopsy report:


Cause of death,

EXPIRED MILK WITH MELAMINE SUBSTANCE...

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BATA: Pangit! (5x)
LALAKE: Sabihan mo pa ko ulit na pangit, papatayin kta!



...Next day...



BATA: psst!

LALAKE: ano?






BATA: alam na! :D

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My happyness is...


















wr0ng spellinG..
Wahaha!
Ooops, ba2likan nya yan!
HaHaha
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BOY: may aaminin aq sau


GIRL: Ano?



B: mhal kta!







B: y d kna rply?







B: pa2kamatAy aq!







B: hwak q n kutslyo!

..isa2ksak q na! (patay n c BOY)

GIRL: nakatulog aq, sori po. Mhal din kta!





GIRL: ui, ui! Stil der?

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COMMON FILIPINO MISTAKES:

1."ale, pbling colgate, ung closeup."
-adik k s 2tpaste?

2."srado m pinto! La2bas ang aircon."
-sosyal, may paa?

3."yaya,salubungn mo ung skulbus ni junior."- tama yan psagasa mo!

4."anak, 2mbi ka s ssakyan ha"
-patayn dn c junior?

5."tnuka ako ng ahas"- man0k b ito? May tuka?

6."my tonsil aq"
-kmi rn.c=

7."my candy aq, yw m?"
-ofer b yn?

8."2log kn?"
-mlman m p kya kng oo?

9."lowbat aq e"
-d bterya krn?

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I
met
a
craZy man,
&
i
askd
hIM,
wt
s
gr8r?

Hart
or
braiN?

He
answrd
me
lafFing
"i
l0st
my
brain
c0z
of
l0ve,


bt


i
l0st
my
l0ve
bc0z
i
f0l0wd
my brain.

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things ù dont need 2 know but i'm sharin':

-aLL shrimps are born femaLe, but turns 2 maLe as time goes.. so r dey Like Lesbians?

-starfishes are pretty but dey dont have brains.. so be offended if sum1 caLLs ù 1..

-penguins can onLy have 1 mate, dey spend aLmost haLf of deyr Lyf Lookin' 4 deyr destined partner, den spend d rest of it wid him/her.. how sweet is dat?


i dont know if ù find those amusin'?
but i do,


& i hope u'l find ùr penguin..ü

------

Tatay: anak bakla ka ba?
Anak:opo..
sabay lubog ng mukha ng anak s harina.

Tatay:ANO? ngay0n la2ki ka na ba?
anak:geisha n po..

nagalit ang tatay sabay nilubogmukha ng anak s baldeng puno ng tubig..

Tatay:ngaun anu ka na?! SAGOT!
anak:dyesebel n po..

nagalit lalo ang tatay..kya pinaso nya ito ng plantsa hnggang ito'y mangitim..

Tatay:PUNYETA ka! ano k n ngayon!!
anak:aq n po c beyonce!!:-D,.
..ayou..haha..ü

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WHAT EVERY KISS MEANS:
smack: "im reAdy"
4head: "h0pe we're 2geder 4ever"
hand: "i ad0re u"
lips: "i L0ve u"

WHAT GESTURES MEANS:
sLap on d butt: "dat's mine"
pLaying w/ hair: "teLL me u L0ve me"
h0Lding hands: "we definitELy L0ve each ader"
arms ar0und d waist: "i L0ve u 2much 2Let g0"
laughing whiLe kissing: "im c0mpLeteLy c0m4tabLe w/ u"

-if ur thinking ab0ut sum1 wyL reading dis, UR DEFINITELY IN L0VE.. ^^,

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Kinuha ng isang Kanong Pari si Pacquiao as interpreter..



Pari: The Lord was crucified between 2 robbers.

Pac: Si Hesus ay ipinako s gitna ng 2 goma.Pari: We need to sacrifice.

Pac: Kailangan natin ng 2 sakong bigas.

Pari: If we do not repent,

Pac: Kapag hindi natin pininturahang muli,

Pari: Thewrath of God will come upon you.

Pac: Ang mga daga ng Diyos ay pupunta sayo.(nagtawanan)

Pari: Well.. Well..

Pac: Balon.. Balon..

;'p Haha!

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PEDRO:
Miss,pabili nga ng bolpen.

MISS:
Sorry po sir, wala po kaming bolpen.

(Inis na lumabas si Pedro sa tindahan)

PEDRO:
My God! Penshoppe walang bolpen!

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a nUrse came 2 vsit hs 3 mental patients

P1:(ngbbsa ng encyclopedia)

N:wow! improvng ka! dts gud.

P2:(ngbbsa ng dictionry)

N:cool! ipgp2loy mo lng yn.

P3:(nktyo s mesa w/arms wide open) "aq ang ilaw!"

N:hoy! bumba k nga jn. bka mhulog k. wla k p dn pgbbgo.(naupo c P3 s upuan)

P1 & P2: ay, brownout?

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1 day i read
smoking is bad
i stop smoking
1 day i read
drinking is bad
i stop drinking
1 day i read
sex is bad

ay naku!..

I stop reading..
Reading is bad!!

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